Comparisonitis & Imposter Syndrome
Welcome back to The Spa Business Building Podcast. I'm Tiffany, your host. And in today's episode, I want to talk about comparisonitis and imposter syndrome.
And I think that this is a really great topic to discuss. I think that we all suffer from these at some point in our lives, in our careers. And I just want to bring it to light, because I've been there.
I feel like I go through these every other day. And I have come, and I know so many other great business owners who also suffer from comparisonitis and imposter syndrome. It's a real thing.
It's completely natural. So let's talk about it. I started my spa business nine years ago, and I started my educator business last year, essentially.
Really just kind of digging in this last year, but that's beside the point. But so many times in my career, I have found myself comparing myself to others and feeling like an imposter. So let's talk about what imposter syndrome is.
Essentially, imposter syndrome is feeling like a fraud or phony and doubting your abilities. Now, I was kind of researching these topics, and I found that there are five types of imposter syndrome. And I was reading through them, and I'm like, I feel like I hit every single one of them at different points of my career.
So, I'm going to read through them. So, according to researcher Dr. Valerie Young, there are five imposter types, the perfectionist. And this type of imposter syndrome involves believing that unless you were absolutely perfect, you could have done better.
You feel like an imposter because your perfectionalistic traits make you believe that you're not as good as others might think you are. The expert. The expert feels like an imposter because they don't know everything there is to know about a particular subject or topic.
Or they haven't mastered every step in a process because there is more for them to learn. They don't feel as if they've reached the rank of expert. The natural genius.
In this imposter syndrome type, you may feel like a fraud simply because you don't believe that they are naturally intelligent or competent. If you don't get something right the first time around or it takes you longer to master skill, you feel like an imposter. The soloist.
It's also possible to feel like an imposter if you had to ask for help to reach a certain level or status. Since you couldn't get there on your own, you question your competence or abilities. And lastly, the super person.
This type of imposter syndrome involves believing that you must be the hardest worker or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. And if you don't, you are a fraud. Wow.
I absolutely, I feel like I take all five of those. Because some days, I feel like unless it was like, unless I've done it perfectly, I'm just not good enough. And especially, I find that a lot of people, especially in the solo service provider, the expert one, I feel like everyone feels like there's so much more that they can learn that how can they possibly be the expert?
How are people going to think of them as the expert? Because they haven't mastered every step. You don't know everything there is to know about skincare.
And the other one that I find oftentimes in this industry is a soloist, feeling like an imposter when you have to ask for help, and not asking for help because you're afraid that no one's going to view you as the expert from there on in. Like, you're incompetent in your abilities as a service provider or a business owner. Not just a service provider, a business owner asking for help.
I definitely feel that sometimes as a business owner, if I have to ask for help, I'm a failure. You know, you want to do it all, it's your baby. You're failing your business if you have to ask for help.
But I'm here to tell you that that's not the case ever. Like, we all have these feelings of imposter syndrome. It's completely normal.
It really is. We're wondering if we're good enough. You feel like a fraud or phony.
And I'm going to admit, like, creating my educator business, I feel this so much all the time, because I'm like, how am I going to show that I know what I'm talking about, that I've been there without sounding like I'm bragging about my experiences and my knowledge and my expertise? But one bit of advice that I got, and I feel like, I heard this on another podcast. I feel like, probably like Amy Porterfield, I listen to her podcasts nonstop.
She's amazing. And it might have been her that said, you know, you have the 10% edge. If you know just 10% more than somebody else, then you're essentially an expert, because you know more.
Like, you've been there a little bit longer. You can teach someone else. Just because you don't know everything there is to know doesn't mean that you know nothing, that you aren't considered an expert in someone else's eyes.
Which brings me to comparisonitis. Now, why are we feeling imposter syndrome? Because we also have comparisonitis.
And I feel like social media brings on so much comparisonitis. It's unhealthy, honestly, because we're scrolling and we're looking through other people's social media accounts. And we're like, wow, look at that person.
They're so much farther ahead than I am. They're doing so much more in their careers and their lives. She's like, oh, she started as an esthetician, a solo business owner around the same time that I did.
And look at what she's doing in her life. Why am I not there? We're comparing ourselves to other people in the industry, feeling like we should be just as far along as they are.
And it's so bad for our mental health. We're comparing ourselves, and it's bringing us down. It's keeping us from moving forward and doing the things that we should be doing in our own lives because we're comparing ourselves to others.
The grass always seems greener on the other side. But here's the thing. You don't know what's going on in that other person's life.
You see their life is successful, but you really don't know how well put together their life is on the inside. It's easy to show something on the outside, a perfectly doctored images and appearance, when you have no idea what's going on in the inside. So you cannot compare yourself, your journey, your career, your life to anyone else.
You have to just focus on what you're doing and where you're going. And sometimes that means turning off social media. Stop the scroll.
Stop comparing yourself. I like to scroll social media. At the end of the day, I want to just watch crap that makes me laugh, that makes me feel good.
And if it's something that makes me doubt myself, my abilities, makes me feel negative in any way, I'm not watching it. I'm turning it off. I'm unsubscribing.
I'm not following it. I like to watch funny dog videos that make me laugh till I cry. I like to watch other influencers who get it, who are making fun of themselves as a parent or whatever, that make me feel good, make me laugh.
It's just lighthearted. And if you find that you're scrolling through accounts of other estheticians, business owners, yoga instructors, whatever your industry is, and it's making you feel like crap, stop doing it. It's not good for your mental health.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself. So what can we do to overcome comparisonitis and imposter syndrome?
For me, like I said, it means not scrolling through social media and looking at those things that make me feel like crap. But it can also be something that's deeply rooted, like the perfectionist. I'm a perfectionist.
I'm a very type A person. And I think if I were to look back at my life, where that comes from, the expert, the soloist, the natural genius, like if you feel like you're not naturally intelligent, because in your life, so many people told you that you weren't smart enough, you weren't good enough, that could very well be where you're coming, where this imposter syndrome is coming from. And you have to get to the root of that and tell yourself that you are good enough.
And sometimes that means talking to a professional, talking to a friend, talking to a trusted person, who sometimes you just need to get it out. Start a journal. Write all that stuff down.
See what comes out, what flows out. But just trying to overcome that by knowing where the root is can really help you get past it and look at yourself. And here's the other thing that I have a daughter who is going to be 13.
So we're dealing with middle school. And if any of you remember middle school, for me, that was quite a while ago. Maybe some of you not so long ago.
But I still remember the feelings that I had from how other people made me feel. Kids can be mean. They like to be mean.
And I have to remind my daughter that she's so worried about what other people think of her. And I think we all go through that, right? We all worry about what, especially when you're in middle school, you're worried about what people think of you, and you just want to blend in so that you're not noticed, right?
So people aren't picking on you or pointing out things. But I have to remind my daughter that what she thinks other people are saying about her is just that it's her own narrative in her head. It's what she's thinking that people are saying about her.
But it's not actually reality. People aren't saying those things. So it's kind of the same thing.
You are thinking that someone is going to think you're not the expert. How could you possibly? That's the narrative that you've put in your head, because one time, your great uncle Chuck told you that you're not smart.
You're not good enough. Someone who doesn't matter said these things. And you're putting this narrative in your head that everybody else is saying that.
In reality, that's not what people are thinking. They're viewing you in a totally different light, and you need to view yourself in that same light. And sometimes it takes getting out of your head, honestly.
And knowing that you are good enough, and that you are competent, and that you have this. You went to school for this. You passed the test.
You worked so hard to get where you are. You opened a business. If that's not the expert, I don't know what is.
So stop doubting yourself, and stop comparing yourself. Because when we let that negativity seep into our minds, it seeps into our business, and it keeps us from moving forward and doing the things that we should be doing in our business. We don't take the chances that we should be taking to move forward, because we feel like we're not good enough.
We're a fraud, we're a phony, we're not the expert. When that's not the case, I promise you. So I know that this was more of a little deep in an episode, but I find that it's super important to talk about, and just know that we all feel that way.
And if you want to talk more about this, if you'd like to, I would love to have a conversation with you about this. I do have a free community. It's a small community on Facebook.
We talk about all the things. We dive into business. But if you'd like to have a private conversation, I'm there for you.
So please, you can DM me on Instagram. I'm at spa.biz, B-I-Z dot building. And I'm Spa Business Building on Facebook.
So you can also reach out on my website, spabusinessbuilding.com. And we can just talk about this more. If you found this helpful, please share it with your other business besties that you think should be listening to this episode.
So that's going to be it. Until next time, friends, stay fabulous, stay inspired and happy business building. Thank you.
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